No, I'm actually fine. Not gonna lie, from my perspective it is definitely a buyer's market out there. I am thinking about holding open auditions for the role of paramour - kind of a casting couch for dirty sluts if you will - and, frankly, I am hoping some of you will.
So, yes, I'm fine - but the hubby, well - the hubby is a motherfucking wreck. He misses the Boyfriend you see. More accurately, he misses knowing my slutty polyamorous predatory sexual energy is channelled. Channeled to someone who is married with a family and does not live near us. The relationship with the Boyfriend was safe for hubby, comfortable - he knew who I was with and where I was, he knew him and could assess exactly the level of risk. And he knew my attention was held - that the one outside relationship was enough to keep me otherwise well behaved. Now I am the loose cannon of whoredom and it is a bit much for him to handle.
He wonders, and not unjustly: what the hell will she do now? I said to him recently, touching his hand lightly and eyes filled with sensitivity: don't worry honey, there will be other guys. He was, as they say, not amused.
Part of his concern is that yes, there are already other guys. I am not fucking any of them (as hubby says, yet), but they are circling in my consciousness and attracting my attention. Shortly after the Boyfriend and the grandmother decided I was not a good use of time I began an intriguing facebook correspondence with an old acquaintance - one that is very much tickling my fancy and very much irritating the fuck out of my husband.
This acquaintance has offered me no less than "Magnificent Robot Sex" - capitalized, no half measured lowercase robot sex is on the table here. I have never had robot sex, magnificent or otherwise, and - as I explained to hubby - I feel like I would be doing an injustice to robot sex itself by not exploring this opportunity further. And by that I mean that I want to fuck his brains out. Hard.
This offer has me so intrigued that I mentioned it to another gentlemen friend who has put his name forward as a candidate for a liaison and been working it more subtly for a month or two and who has not, as of yet, offered me magnificent robot sex. As he put it: for the love of god woman, it's not kismet!!!
When I shared this comment with hubby he rolled his eyes: he's right you know - just 'cause some guy hits on you right after the Boyfriend breaks up with you doesn't mean you have to fuck him. But you will.
Well pardon me for seizing life by the (ahem) balls, Queen Victoria - you don't seem to mind the slutty wife so much when hot women I meet with you suck your cock.
So, yes, I am honest with hubby about the ongoing seduction(s) and he is not happy, despite the year of fun that openness has brought us. He is, in fact, le freaking. We are back to where we were a year ago - all the progress we have made towards openness, all the rope I have given him with the girlfriend - all of it seemingly had no effect. I am his wife and my panties need to be firmly in place.
In the past few days I have been on the receiving end of a great deal of shit: earlier this week hubby put it out there that I was so slutty that something was probably wrong with me and I just might be too easy. I told him I was happy to discuss the real issues but I was not going to accept attacks on my character when I was offering him honesty.
We have wound our way back to a constructive conversation but he is still reeling from the loss of the Boyfriend and everything we say is filtered through that lens. As he said to me during one of our recent discussions: the Boyfriend is such an idiot, this was all working out so well!
And he is not wrong, in lying to me the Boyfriend terminated several relationships: mine and his, his and hubbys, hubbys and Mrs. Boyfriend, mine with Mrs. Boyfriend and his relationship with the hot friend he propositioned (anyone who thinks she is the kind of woman that would lie to me is done in her books).
And so, doors that were opened are closed, progress that has been made was lost and feelings are hurt all around - frankly, I am at a bit of a loss at how to proceed from here. I think I need to convince hubby to let me take baby steps while he (hopefully) regains his comfort zone.
What I do know is that the last year has been overwhelmingly the happiest of my life - and part of that has been the polyamory - not just being allowed to have an outside relationship, but being allowed to be myself and live what I feel. I can't imagine going back - and I don't think hubby can imagine going forward. And so we wait, in our respective corners on this issue, eyeing each other cautiously.
Really I think the hubby needs a new man in our lives - as I said to him the other day: you had better get back on that horse - you are never over one until you are under another. In my opinion I would be being remiss in my wifely duties if I didn't find hubby a new man to help him get over this break-up...
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