The Newbies: Bailing?

Mr Newbie bbm-ed me the other day: "I want to give you perfect pleasure."

Perfect pleasure? Doesn't that sound utterly exhausting? Like hold the side of your face, look deep into your eyes, connect on an emotional level that does not exist between the two while fucking you badly exhausting?

The Husband and I are supposed to go on our first playdate with them tomorrow night and we both feel kinda "eh" about it - we have been tossing around the idea of bailing. The rub is that I feel like we can't back out now because now we are in the odd position, given our own relative newness, of being their expert guides. Not only do I not want to hurt their feelings by breaking the date, but I feel obliged to show them the ropes - although, as I wrote before, they are freaking me the fuck out.

I don't want to run away from them now and give them a bad first experience of having been led on, but I have real concerns about managing expectations. I want to hang out and enjoy their company, but I am worried that they want to be bffs. To be clear, it is not that I am unwilling to forge a connection with them - I am happy to play, happy to expand their lifestyle experience and be friends - it is just that I feel like they may be really into us in a way that we do not reciprocate. They are talking all night in hotel rooms, vacationing together, picnics with the families, going on a lifestyle trip somewhere. I am not sure whether this is a willingness to jump into the lifestyle and viewing us as their opportunity to do so or whether it is a willingness to jump into us. Either way, I am not clear I am ready to be jumped.

As I said to the Husband today: um, whose team are we taking this one for?

Despite all the indications to the contrary we have forged ahead. It seems unkind to ditch otherwise lovely people because of a level of enthusiasm and honestly that overwhelms me. I am, after all, a girl that is known for being overly blunt. I am going to assume that their over excitement speaks of their newness and not an awkward insanity. On that basis, instead of their plan for a lengthy sleepover in a hotel we have taken the lesson the Boyfriend taught me prior to the first threeway with the Husband: take it to the club. That way if things go south (and, ahem, not in a good way) there is some privacy to seek and some potential for escape.

I was bbm-ing with the Boyfriend today and telling him that I just wasn't sure whether to give it up - his point: test drive it - you might like what is under the hood. Or, as I said, maybe I will like what he does under mine?

The Boyfriend, who is always ideal for providing slut reinforcement got back to me quickly: there's a winning attitude, way to pick up the glove and get in the game

And what he tells me is right, you know: you can't win if you don't play.

Wish me luck, dirty darlings, wish me luck...

The Newbies, Part 1: Um, Dude, No...

Newbies: I just don't know what to do with them.  

I know this might be a bit of an eye-roller for some of you more experienced lifestyle folks.

In fact, I would guess that hubby and I are still new enough that it might be a deal breaker for some people.

But there are newbies and then there are newbies.  And these ones are the latter.  

We met this couple that we quite like: they are charming and interesting and attractive...and they are brand spanking new.  

What is giving me the most pause is not their newness to the lifestyle, but their newness to promiscuity and fucking around in general: I am increasingly realizing that they are fresh-faced monogamous almost-virgins. 

I don't have an innocence fetish.  If it possible to have an un-fetish, that is how I feel about 

innocence.

Mr Newbie is charming the pants right onto me.  And let me tell you, this is no easy feat.

Have you ever sat with someone and had them talk their way out of your bed with every word out of their mouth?  

This is what he did to me the other night and it was striking.

Did I tell you I have never been with anyone but my wife?

(Oh, Dude, no.)

I would love to get to a point where we don't use condoms

(Dude, noooo.)

Getting to know you I feel like I am on the verge of getting married again.

(Oh, duuuuudddde, no.)

I don't just want to have sex with you - I want to make love to you.  

(Dude, we just met - you should want to give it to me hard.)

Can I tell you I love you when we are together?

(No, dude, just no. No. No. No.)

I mentioned this to the hot blonde's hot husband, his response: "Sounds like drama. Run!"  

I can't help but think he is right. 

Interview with a Girlfriend.

I was nervous walking up to that coffee shop: What would she look like? Would she like me? Would I hate her? Would I freak the fuck out and prove myself a total hypocrite?

Is it wrong that I hoped that I was just a little prettier than her?

I got there first and waited, lifting up my head like a dog lifts their ears every time a woman on her own walked in. She opened the door confidently and walked in, head up and eyes scanning for 'the wife'.

She is nothing like me in looks: she is dark to my light, calmly elegant to my brassy, she has a tiny perfect body in contrast to my more curvy physique. She has that air of elegance and put togetherness that I can never quite master. She is one of those women that exudes class - we could wear the exact same slightly saucy outfit and she would look like Jackie O while I looked like an escort.

She is also nothing like me in demeanour: she is disciplined to my loud mouthed enthusiasm. You can watch her choose every word, while I just use them all. (Want to know what I am thinking now? How 'bout now?)

There are ways in which we are similar though - we have similar jobs, we are both direct and blunt, neither of us sought to avoid the hard questions or discussions:

Are you really ok with this? (Um, yes, borrow that husband.)

Does it bother you that I am single? (Nope, have at him.)

What about stds, condoms? (No and yes, please.)

Does the boyfriend's wife know about you? (Is that a bird flying by? Ok, avoided that one.)

How does hubby feel about the boyfriend? (Better now that we have group sex.)

I like her. Lots. Like, letting her borrow the husband without hesitation and wanting to hang out with the two of them lots.

Although I like the Girlfriend as an individual I also adore her as a concept: the Girlfriend gives me so much rope it isn't even funny. The Husband is breaking every rule he ever made: she is single, we all know people in common, she knows the Husband through work. If I were proposing to do the same he would be having fucking kittens. This is unquestioningly to my advantage - not because it means tit for tat (I had not even considered that, of course), but because it means he is getting a first hand demonstration of how not scary this is, how this can work, how it is safe, not a threat, not a crisis and not a problem. His relationship with the Girlfriend makes my relationship with the Boyfriend - and future potential relationships - less scary.

As I said, the woman of my dreams...