Have you ever heard the phrase career limiting move? Do we all remember the sexy co-worker? Do you think I took your sage advise and restrained myself, recognizing the inherent complexities and thinking with my brain instead of my crotch?
Yeah, you were right. I made a move. Said my piece. Made a play. Put it out there.
I don't know that I was so much drunk on the liberal amount of alcohol I had consumed - I mean, yes, clearly I was - but I was also confidence drunk, which is the most dangerous kind.
There he was, the sexy co-worker. And there I was, the drunk, slutty subordinate. Does anyone else see the problem?
I am the kind of girl that has a potentially problematic level of flirtation and...strange man stalking at the best of times. The best of times being when I am sober, in a formal context and supposed to behave. Even there I can be fairly uninhibited in my pursuit of the opposite sex.
I believe the colloquialism might be "slut" - personally, I have always preferred "friendly" or "direct".
For the purposes of illustration let's combine this natural effusiveness and zest for life (ahem, cock) with Hallow e'en, more than my fair share of cocktails, a slutty little costume and a liberal dose of medication. Do we see where this is going?
I walked into the party with my friend and co-worker. An age-inappropriately wild party at the house of a former colleague.
I started with a subtle approach...touch the arm, smile and laugh. He was not as receptive as I would have liked.
I maneuvered myself next to him on the couch and with my usual lack of subtlety adopted my knee against knee, head tilted to the side, effusively laughing please fuck me posture. Nothing. No response.
How was it that he wasn't picking up on my signals? Was I being too subtle? Maybe I should take it up a level?
Yes, I can see you all shaking your heads no in unison. Do you think I thought heck, maybe this is not a good idea, maybe he isn't interested, maybe you shouldn't proposition everyone you know? No, of course not.
I took it up a level.
I leaned in and whispered - and the exact context of this conversation is ever so slightly unclear: "I find you very attractive." He was surprised and flattered in his oh-so-charmingly awkward way.
Apparently this was too subtle as well. Well, what is a girl to do? Correct answer: shut the hell up and sleep it off. Did I? Um, no.
O.k. so he was not as receptive as I would have liked. But I am not a girl that discourages easily - subtlety, nuance and the interpretation thereof - also not my best events.
So, of course, I bravely marched on. Clearly he didn't realise I was his for the taking. Clearly I needed to be more direct, more explicit.
I tried again. You know, I find you very attractive. You know, I am in the mood for trouble. You know, I would like to leave with you...
Really a straight up offer. Of sex. With me. Right then.
"You're bluffing," he said.
"Take me out of here right now and I will show you how little I am bluffing," was my reply.
And he didn't. Oh man how he didn't. Not even close. He couldn't possibly possibly fucked me less.
I am rarely as un-fucked as I was in that moment.
So, lesson learned. The lesson being that apparently destiny does not have any plans for me to orgasm over a desk any time soon.
Maybe the Christmas party?
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29 comments:
i've read this post a few times today; i keep thinking that i want to come here and put some kind of a comment, and then i re-read it, and realize i'm not sure what i want to say.
you and i are very similar, in the sense that i'm extremely slutty. (a term that's not used much for guys, but hey, let's face facts: i am.) you might not be as slutty as you let on--although, personally, i do NOT view sluttiness as a bad thing--and you're probably more picky than me. if "the coworker i love" ever wanted to do me, obviously i'd be fine with that, but there are at least a dozen other women that i work with who could probably have me, if they wanted. i know people keep saying that you shouldn't dip your pen in the company ink, but my pen tends to do all of my thinking for me, and it says to hell with that advice.
but there is a very critical difference between us, too: you're hot, and i'm average looking (at best). so that prevents me from ever getting confidence drunk, which limits my danger of making a fool of myself. (doesn't eliminate it, but limits it.) you can approach a man in a bar, and have a reasonable level of confidence that he'll be interested; i, on the other hand, have to hope that she's been drinking heavily, and forgot to bring her glasses.
Why don't I ever have company parties like this?
'You're bluffing' meant 'take me to the bathroom' a lot more than it meant 'tell me you want to leave this party'...
Maybe he was too subtle for you.
Ouch. But, the fact that he did nothing was probably the best thing that could have happened.
This brings up sweet memories of a Christmas party 25 years ago. I guess I took the hint. I didn't get home till 9AM. I I had to concoct a lame story about going back to the office and falling asleep.
The move I remember was 'her' taking my tie off and winding it around my neck as he pulled us together and wouldn't let go and groped me! I melted.
Persistent little devil!
My first thought was to leave a comment that includes every angry pissed off bad word phrase out there to scream at this guy. But then I know things about you that he doesn't and vice versa, so maybe I shouldn't be so harsh on him. I know the virtual Kimberly and he's got the real deal.
You know though, if I were him, and god bless me if I were, I would have picked up on those first few signs and taken you right back to my office and laid you out right on my desk. Sighs
You may be surprised to learn that not all men think with the other head. Sometimes the long term consequences do not favor a short term gratification. Once I was at a party and another guest was a female client. (I am a mental health professional) She also whispered an invitation to leave the party for the comfort of her car. In most states it is a criminal offense for a therapist to have sex with a client. So I had to decline. Not that I did not want to join her for a fuck, she was very attractive. But those consequences
I am sorry it didn't work out, but I hope it doesn't cause problems for you. On the other hand...man I wish this would happen to me, but I guess not being married apparently isn't that exciting or dangerous...whatever
Wow that is really feeling unfucked!
Coworker flirtation is a fantasy of mine, and we are discussig it right now, at secret Story Time, if you want to stop by.
Thanks, Secretia
Start counting the offers for "Office Sex"..... :-)
On one hand, I applaud your colleague for not taking advantage of you in, what may have been considered, a vulnerable state. Perhaps the true gentleman was coming through? On the other hand, he's probably wishing you were less "vulnerable" so he could bend you over that desk and dictate to you appropriately....
Christmas parties are prime opportunities with mistletoe and stuffed stockings... I wish you luck on your conquest(s). :-)
xo
Is he gay?
my, my..
now it you said that to ME!
OMG
lets party!
great post...!!
Talk about a guy not taking a hint. Have you had to deal with him at work since then?????
Yes you may have felt like an ass, but you never win the lottery unless you buy a ticket.
I'm just dumb-founded that someone turned you down. WTF?
Now if I only knew where your desk is, I'd make an offer ;-)
That is a level of boldness I wouldn't attempt in my wildest dreams! Good on you for the crazy confidence. Bad thing as far as the work, career thing goes. Perhaps you should skip the office Christmas party ;)
ohhhh ouch. that is a feeling that is hard to shake - but we know dear that it was his loss....
Oh dear, alcohol + cock-lust is never a good combination!
---Amy xxxx
toooo damn funny!!
i love your blog, well me and 812 other people..
;)
Ouch! I'm thinking that if that didn't work nothing will, christmas eggnog or no. My humble opinion, never good to hook up with a co-worker anyways. Too many complications.
Perhaps he really is just obtuse and didn't know what to do with your confidence?
Hey Errant Wife baby,
I knwo what you mean: nothing sucks as much as rejection - except perhaps reliving the aforementioned rejection in the cold hard and sobe right of day..
XOXO as always,
Wifey
What was your costume? Maybe his was being a dickhead, err I mean "prude." Maybe at the next party, Thanksgiving or Christmas, he'd be more responsive to the holiday sweater + slutty ways + advances = desired result!
LOL....
You are so funny! I would have done the same thing in my drinking days!
I'm not sure how he refused you though!
xoxox~Sadie
Whoops. I hope you don't wind up regretting this later on. I've actually got several coworkers who met each other at the workplace and later married. Can't countenance that myself -- I keep my personal life separate from my work life. Still, different strokes for everyone, right? Maybe you can yet find a way to grab his interest. Just....try not to do it while you're AT work, I guess.
(What *are* sexual harassment policies like nowadays? Is it still considered harassment if it's not in the actual workplace? I am probably being hopelessly naive).
-- PB
I'm so sorry! I knew what you were saying, it's just that I had drunk far too much that night myself and I knew that I wasn't going to be able to give you the seeing to you so obviously deserved. I didn't want to disappoint you.
Roll on Christmas!
;)
There could be any number of reasons/excuses (good, bad or lame) to explain his rebuff. But based on the composite portrait I've gotten of you over time, I can't imagine how he could have mustered such restraint!
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